How the Tantric Goddess Matangi Helps Overcome Social Anxiety Caused by 破碎 PoSui’s energy distortion in Chinese Astrology

Our energy field is generated by our consciousness, which acts like an energy particle emitter, radiating particles into a spherical shape.

When we lose connection with our true self especially triggered by external environments, energy distortions occur, causing the spherical energy field to become disharmonious.

In Chinese astrology, 破碎星 represents this type of energy field distortion. It can lead to social anxiety, awkwardness, and may cause others to perceive us as “weird.” if 破碎星 in a person’s self house may exhibit autistic-like symptoms and face added difficulties in making social connections.

My Experience Working with Matangi

Because of my 破碎星 (broken star), I often feel anxious in social situations. This is partly due to my parents, who are both introverted and somewhat isolated; they don’t have many friends, and even after nearly 40 years of marriage, they lack emotional clarity and depth in their communication. Their love language is simple and raw: my dad cooks while my mom eats happily, or they enjoy a sunny afternoon together, with my dad admiring the plants in the sunlight and my mom singing along with the TV. Since they don’t read much, their vocabulary is limited—especially for my mom, who struggles with reading and has trauma from being bullied.

I haven’t practiced enough oral speaking, and when I do speak, I often use a fake tone to please others, trying to be more socially acceptable rather than connecting with my true self. There’s a deep shame I feel about my true self, which is tied to my neurodivergent identity. All these factors have disconnected me from my body, making me feel like I’ve almost lost the ability to speak authentically.

Matangi first helped me find the neurodivergent community. One day, I felt drawn to watch Love on the Spectrum, a docuseries about relationships between neurodivergent people. That’s when I discovered there are actually special dating platforms for people like me. I found an online community app and began talking with many people there. For the first time, I felt totally safe to express myself without shame or worry about what others might think, because I had found my people. Accepting this identity led me to review my traumas and family dynamics, and I now feel more compassion toward my undiagnosed parents. I’ve also created a boundary with them: if they choose not to embrace their true selves, it’s their responsibility. If they insist on conforming to “normal” standards or refuse to face their pain, they will continue to experience loneliness and social anxiety.

I’ve made many friends in this community, and I’ve started using my real voice when talking with them. Many of us were initially afraid of expressing ourselves, so our voices would shake. But after several interactions, it became more natural and safe.

On a physical level, I sense a strong connection between my sacral/navel chakra and my throat chakra. It’s actually my sacral chakra that creates the desire to express, and my previous ways of speaking lacked that deep inner support. I’ve broken through many blockages in this channel.

Once I connected with my authentic self, everything became easier. I’m neurodivergent; I have my own special power. I’m not neurotypical, so yes, I’m different, but there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m working to overcome my social distortions and trying not to stay too isolated in my own thoughts, but beyond that, I no longer feel inferior to neurotypical people.

This awareness has helped me gain clarity about the emotional layers of my body in a meditative way. I’m learning to regulate my emotions and express them healthily, instead of internalizing everything.

I also discovered the link between my voice and my limited thinking. One day, I used blue lotus, which is a great tool for exploring the boundary between the conscious and subconscious in dreams. I manifested a story related to my father’s controlling behavior and finally released everything I had been holding inside. The sound I made was intense, almost scary, but I felt incredible. The subconscious can be unsettling if we resist it, but if we accept that the shadow is part of us, it’s no problem at all. Just like being neurodivergent isn’t a bad thing—it’s like Shiva’s dance, chaotic but natural, just as the universe is.